Myths About Adopted Children in Open Adoptions

Misconceptions About a Child’s Relationship with Birthparents

Dec 26, 2008

For the benefit of the child, open adoptions are most successful when there are clearly defined boundaries and expectations between the birth and adoptive families.

Open adoption is a child-centred approach to ensuring that adopted kids have safe and loving homes, while also having a connection to their birthfamily. In order to see the positive benefits of having an open adoption, prospective parents as well as their support system need to debunk the myths about this unique relationship.

Issues for the Adopted Child

Children who join their families before the age of six do not really understand their biological connection to birthmom or birthdad, even if they have an open adoption. However, as their awareness of their adoption evolves, their feelings toward the adoptive parents remain unchanged. Kids know that their adoptive parents are "real" parents despite having contact with their birthparents.

By having an open adoption, children see the lifestyle of their birthparents first hand. In many cases, this eliminates the birthparent fantasies that had prevalence in confidential adoptions. Adopted kids may always be curious about the life of their birthmother or birthfather, but in all likelihood, do not wish to live with them.

The Nature of the Adoption Relationship

Openness means that the birth and adoptive families have to share full identifying information with each other.

According to James L. Gritter, a true open adoption means that birth and adoptive families share full identifying information and meet in person. However, due to circumstances and level of comfort, contact between both families can be maintained in different ways.

Many open adoption relationships start very guarded with minimal information shared and then evolve to periodic visits in each other’s homes. In other cases, there may be frequent visits at first, but as time goes on, there is less contact overall.

Having an open adoption means the birthparents share in the parenting of the adopted child.

Open adoption is not custody sharing over a child. Adoption is legally binding and transfers all parental rights to the adoptive parents while at the same time terminating those of the birthparents. Clear communication of boundaries and expectations will help define the role the birthfamily will play in the child’s life.

Gritter, James L. The Spirit of Open Adoption. Washington, DC: CWLA Press, 1997.

Melina, Loi Ruskai and Sharon Kaplan Roszia. The Open Adoption Experience. New York: HarperPerennial, 1993.

The copyright of the article Myths About Adopted Children in Open Adoptions in Non-traditional Adoption is owned by Angela Krueger. Permission to republish Myths About Adopted Children in Open Adoptions in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.