Myths About Birthparents in Open Adoption
Misconceptions About Contact Between Birth and Adoptive Families
Dec 26, 2008
The increase in open adoptions over the past decade has changed the dynamics of the adoptive family. Despite initial apprehension by adoptive parents in particular, lasting and meaningful relationships can be created between birth and adoptive families for the benefit of a child. To see open adoption from a positive perspective, myths about the birthparents need to be addressed first.
Fears About the Expectations of Birthparents
Open adoption makes it easier for a birthmother to change her mind about having an adoption plan.
When a pregnant birthmother is making an adoption plan for her unborn child, it is not unusual for the chosen adoptive parents to worry that she will change her mind. Although adoption reversals happen, they are no more likely with open adoptions. In fact, many birthmothers feel stronger about their decision to make an adoption plan for the baby after meeting the adoptive parents.
The birthparents will want to visit all the time.
When a birthmother makes an adoption plan for her baby, not only is she looking to give a life to her child, but oftentimes she wants a new start for herself. Granted, some birthmothers and adoptive parents agree on frequent visits, but each situation is different and the relationship will change over time. The key is to define clear boundaries from the beginning to minimize any misunderstandings.
Concerns About the Quality of the Adoption Relationship
Open adoption prolongs the grieving process for the birthmother.
According to The Open Adoption Experience [HarperPerennial, 1993], anecdotal evidence suggests that having contact with the adoptive family actually helps the birthmother’s grieving process. The premise is that she is able to see she made a good decision in the best interests of her child and can then create a new role for herself in the child’s life.
The adoptive parents will not be able to build a strong bond with their child if the birthparents have contact.
Some adoptive parents fear that they will not feel like the child’s parents if they have regular contact with the birthparents. The length of time for adopted parents to feel attached to their child varies and can depend on many factors. Adopted children also vary in their attachment process, but most are able to attach to their adoptive parents regardless of contact with birthparents, as long as they feel safe and secure.
Open adoption relationships do not work for every situation, however with planning and honest communication, meaningful connections can be made for the adopted child. For more information regarding the impact of open adoption on adopted children, read Myths about Adopted Children in Open Adoptions.
References
Gritter, James L. The Spirit of Open Adoption. Washington, DC:CWLA Press, 1997.
Melina, Loi Ruskai and Sharon Kaplan Roszia. The Open Adoption Experience. New York: HarperPerennial, 1993.
